Can we take emotions out of our decisions?

I'm sure all of us have heard the phrase “take the emotion out of it.” Can we really take emotion out of a meaningful decision? And should we?

This often relates to decisions in our lives where it’s challenging to come to a conclusion because of the mixture of rationality and emotion. This could entail shopping for a car that you're enthralled with. You think it's really cool—this is the best car ever! But then something is bugging you. Maybe it’s the warranty, the mileage, the utility of the car in relation to your overall lifestyle, or even your budget.

Another example is dating (it's been a long time for me, but I do remember!). You really have a connection with the other person. Emotions are riding high, but over time those emotions and the initial excitement start to dissipate, and rationality starts to gain a foothold. Does this person have the same value system that I do? Do we have the same interests? Are we truly a match?

Sometimes rationality never really takes root, and emotions drive the decision. That can come from inexperience, but mature and wise people make emotion-driven decisions too. We're human.

Easier said than done

So it's easier said than done to simply “take the emotion out of it.” I think the better approach is to acknowledge those early washes of emotion, like a tidal wave that comes over us in a new situation or when a decision has to be made. Acknowledge it, but then realize that rationality also has to take hold and the Stoic virtue of wisdom has to kick in.

Not letting the first emotion dictate your decisions

So that first emotion you feel is not the problem. The challenge is letting it dictate your decisions—or even dictate your well-being based on what happens in a given situation.

But then I caught myself and recalibrated. Okay, let's work through this. I gave myself some grace. Epictetus used the analogy of a tool with two handles: one by which we can carry a situation and another by which we cannot. We can choose how we take hold of what has happened.

So perhaps we should ask ourselves:

What am I feeling? What story am I telling myself because of that feeling? What would I decide if the intensity of this emotion were turned down? How can I modulate it without letting it consume me?

Using wisdom and virtue

Bring on the virtue of wisdom to assist.

And let me define wisdom from my point of view. Wisdom is having the self-awareness to recognize that you're going through a process: the initial emotion hits, and then you have the opportunity to respond in a rational manner.

For what storm is mightier than that aroused by powerful impressions that drive out reason? What else, indeed, is the storm itself than an impression? — Epictetus, Discourses, 2.18.29.

Wisdom is almost like going outside yourself and recognizing, “This is happening to me.” If you're inside the eye of a hurricane, it's really challenging to see your way out of it. This is the big-picture approach that Stoicism encourages.

We often attribute wisdom to experiences we've accumulated over time. But plenty of people don't really learn from their experiences. They don't recognize that they're reacting the same way, time after time, especially to situations they've experienced before. Wisdom is having the ability to recognize that pattern and react differently.

Recognizing the emotional storm when it arrives

It's this level of control that's challenging. It's not easy for any of us. But fortunately, life gives us plenty of opportunities to practice. So back to my hurricane analogy—we don't practice emotional self-control so we'll never feel the hurricane; we practice so that when it arrives, we recognize where we are.

Glenn Citerony is an Executive Wellness Coach who employs Stoic concepts to help improve people’s lives. He is passionate about Stoicism and its relevance to addressing today’s challenges. Glenn can be reached at glennciterony.com.

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