You can’t argue with soundbites 

Social media is a funny place to voice an opinion yet many of us do it. Arguing in soundbites does not tend to solve much. It’s emotional and it’s often highly judgemental. Many people, including those influenced by Stoicism, can be seduced by the power a few characters or a quick status update can give you. Sometimes it is necessary. Many times, it is not. Wisdom lies in knowing when to speak, the reason for speaking, how to speak, and with whom. 

Gentle corrections are very Stoic 

It is very Stoic to gently remind, and occasionally correct with deep care and consideration, misinformed opinions. I say, occasionally, because sometimes involving yourself in an argument does nothing but make you angry. I say, occasionally, because our knowledge may well be incomplete, and our additional chatter may add fuel to the fire. I say sometimes because we may not be the best person to respond and others, who are better informed, may have already done so. 

Pick your battles carefully 

As Stoics we should pick our battles and inputs carefully, in line with our four roles, obligations, and responsibilities (as outlined by Panaetius). When deciding whether I should get involved in a debate in a Stoic Facebook group, I ask myself the following questions: 

Is the person responding to a piece of work that I wrote? 

If the answer is “yes” I almost always respond—even if the comment is negative or not particularly helpful. My most common response is to thank them for engaging and taking the time to read my work. If it is obvious that they did not in fact read my work properly (or even at all), I thank them for their engagement and ask them to reread it so as to avoid misunderstandings. This often cools things down. If they remain angry, I acknowledge their upset and ask them to point out something in my text that they like. I then start the conversation from there. It diffuses the situation and builds a degree of mutual respect, which is a good basis for discussion. 

Is the person responding to a piece of work or Stoic text that I myself know very well? Are they discussing a subject that I know a considerable amount about? 

If the answer is “yes,” I acknowledge their engagement and I highlight where I think their reasoning has broken down. Few of us appreciate being corrected, especially be people we don’t know and in public. I try to understand where the person is coming from and put a crash mat down before shooting down a person’s argument. I remind them that if we are both Stoics then we are two members of the same side. Again, being able to point out commonalities and joint opportunities for growth is a good basis for discussion. 

When someone is mean to others 

Is the person just being mean to another person, attacking them rather than identifying the flaws in their argument? 

Here I cannot stand aside and be gentle. To do so would be unfair. When we decide to do nothing in the face of such behaviour, we are not neutral. We are siding with the bully. In this situation, I make sure that I comfort the person being attacked and reassure them by name. I make it clear that I stand beside them (although not necessarily their argument.) Sometimes it is not bullying but an unnecessarily strong rebuke or sarcastic comment. Here too I try to remind people of the importance of engaging with the argument rather than name calling. I might say something like “John Doe is not stupid. He just doesn’t know something fundamental about Stoicism. It’s our job to remind/teach/guide, not call him names! We need to correct his assumptions, not rage at him.” 

Of course, these are my guidelines and they might not entirely work for you. Therefore, I encourage you to rework them or come up with your own in the interest of saving your time, effort and in helping me build a Stoic community of rational discussion built on love and support. Remember, we cannot win every argument and we don’t need to. Winning such things are beyond our control. What we can control, and what we should focus on, is deciding which arguments we enter and the manner in which we enter them. 

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Kai Whiting is a researcher and lecturer in sustainability and Stoicism based at the University of Lisbon, Portugal. He Tweets @kai-whiting and blogs over at StoicKai.com

 

 

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