Recognize that you control your reactions 

One of our biggest mistakes in thinking is to believe what is not under our control is in our control and what is under control and is not under our control. If we observe conversations, you will often find people saying things that imply what is under their control is not under their control. 

“It is not my fault. He started it.” 

You cannot control what “he” starts. But whether you want to carry on along the same lines is your choice. 

“She made me do it.” 

What “she” does is not under your control. But she cannot make you do anything. That is your choice. 

“Given what happened, I have a right to be angry.” 

Given what happened you may have the “right” to be angry. But being angry is your choice. 

“How do you expect me to enjoy my dinner, when I just lost my job.” 

Not enjoying your dinner will not bring your job back. You are adding to your problems. I don’t “expect” you to enjoy your dinner, but whether you want to enjoy it or not is your choice. 

Now, if we have trained ourselves to believe (with a lot of social support) that our behavior is determined by “her” or “him” or “them” or some external circumstance, it is not going to be easy to believe that we are the cause of our unhappiness. The exercises in this course are designed to retrain your mind and see things as they are. 

Our job is to make careful and skillful use of the [dice] that has fallen, even though we don’t know what is going to fall. 

Epictetus Discourses Bk 2.5.3; (Chuck Chakrapani. Stoic Choices, Ch. 5) 

Act on what you can control 

Many things in life are not in our control. In fact, no external thing is really under control. And yet, many external things can be influenced by our actions. Our actions are under our control. When this is the case, we act on that part over which we have control. 

In many situations, while the result may not be under your control, many things that will influence the final outcome are under your control. So, whenever we face a situation that is not under our control, we look for things that are under our control and act on them. 

Your boss just told you that your services are no longer needed. 

That’s not under your control. What your boss says comes from her, not from you. So it is nothing to you. 

What is under your control? 

Things like these are under your control: Enjoying your meal or going for a walk after losing your job; getting in touch with your friends and acquaintances to see if they are aware of any opportunities for you; contacting a recruiter; searching social media for job announcements. Looking for and doing things under your control is far more productive than feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others for your job loss. These actions are under your control and you can do them instead of brooding over your job loss. 

The doctor just told you that you have cancer. 

That’s not under your control. So, there is no point in worrying about it. 

What is under your control? 

You can research to see what treatments are available: how much they would cost and which ones are suitable for you. You can do things that you always wanted to but kept postponing. You can decide to enjoy every moment of life even more. You can go for a walk and enjoy the sunshine or the breeze. 

You are driving to catch a flight. There is a big accident and two lanes are closed. You are almost certain to miss the flight. 

This is not under your control. You didn’t create the traffic and you cannot stop it. You may miss the flight. 

What is under your control? 

To relax, enjoy the music. This is under your control. Realize that being tense has no effect on whether you are going to catch your flight or not. It is not under your control. By worrying about it, you are only wasting your time. You might as well enjoy the music. 

If you deal with only those things under your control, no one can force you to do what you don’t want to do. No one can stop you. You will have no enemies and no harm will come to you. 

Epictetus Enchiridion 1 (Chuck Chakrapani, The Good Life Handbook, Ch. 1) 

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