Three ways to become more Stoic 

The ancients offered at least 3 paths, as reflected in the major works of the 3 most well-known Roman Stoics. 

1. Attend Stoic lectures or, more generally by reading and formal education – modelling the students of Epictetus. 
2. Write down our daily personal reflections, following Marcus Aurelius’s lead in his Meditations. 
3. Get personal, tailored Stoic advice on a topic of current concern, such as grief, mortality and anger from an expert on Stoicism, as explained by Seneca. 

Combining all three 

A contemporary approach which can potentially combine the best of each is to visit a counsellor or coach well-versed in Stoicism who can teach you some Stoic ideas, encourage your personal reflection, and tailor the conversations around what concerns you most. So what would it be like to visit a contemporary Stoic Life Coach? 

In this two-part article you get to look over the coach’s shoulder, learning the rationale for the approach that Lucas, the Stoic life coach, takes using anger management as an example. 

Managing anger 

“Anthony”, who clearly has an anger management problem although he is unwilling to admit it—a not untypical situation—pays a visit to Lucas , a modern Stoic life coach, purely at his wife’s behest. Fortunately Seneca devotes many pages to mustering powerful arguments as to why we should all try to curb anger and Lucas realises that to get Anthony’s attention, this is where he needs to start. 

Anthony is not entirely convinced, suggesting, as is common, that Stoicism is too idealistic—“we all get angry, don’t we!” Anthony is given pause for thought by the argument that it’s not Stoicism that is being too idealistic, it’s those who get angry. Isn’t it the height of idealism to over-optimistically expect the world to conform to our wishes? 

Seneca believes that it is these over-optimistic, idealistic ideas about controlling what you cannot control that sets us up for anger. Whether he is totally convinced or not, it’s enough—together with a reminder that his wife will leave him if he doesn’t change—for Anthony to commit to reflecting on these arguments each day on his daily commute. To help him, he is given this crib sheet summarising key points from the first session. 

Crucially, Anthony also agrees to find out why his wife thinks he needs anger management. This is vital, since many angry people rationalise away their own angry behaviour, failing to see themselves as others do. 

In the second session, we finally learn the truth about what brought Anthony to anger management. Now that he is more ready to change, Lucas shifts gears and starts to explain how Anthony can change, drawing on Seneca’s 3 stages of anger. The picture below gives a good idea of the predicament Anthony and others face when the first rush of anger strikes 

At stage 1, we feel first movements towards anger, angry impulses and initial angry thoughts. Seneca likens this to being on the edge of a cliff. But we don’t have to fall. It all depends what we do at stage 2—we can choose to respond rationally and if we do we will move back to safety. But if we engage with the angry thoughts we are likely to fall off the edge of the cliff and be lost. Key ideas from session 2 are summarised in this crib sheet which Anthony takes away to study on his commute. 

Anthony is asked to reflect on his angry episodes in the light of these 3 stages. So far Lucas—with considerable help from Seneca—has succeeded in making Anthony see that he does have a problem, that he needs to change, and that he can do something about it. But as yet he hasn’t really learnt the details about how change. 

In the second part of this article (THE STOIC, Aug. 2019), we’ll learn whether Anthony falls off the edge of the cliff and loses his wife and family  or whether he saves himself by applying Seneca’s timeless wisdom. 

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Tim LeBon, is a London-based philosophical life coach, accredited CBT psychotherapist with NHS and the author of Wise Therapy and Achieve Your Potential with Positive Psychology.

 

 

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