Not being here 

Does it often happen to you that as you are doing something, you also wished you were somewhere else, doing something else? This happened to me last Sunday morning with my three-year-old son, a lovely little boy, full of life and energy At 8am, he suggested we buy a pain au chocolat and go to the nearby park to eat it together in the sun and have fun jumping on the rocks over a small river. Isn’t it great that this little boy is excited about the most simple things in life and wants to share them with his mother ? 

Not enjoying the moment. 

But I couldn’t fully enjoy this moment because my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking of all the work I had to do, but was unable to, because I was alone with my son for the weekend—don’t even dream of working with a three-year-old nearby! “I hope he’s tired by midday so he can take a nap and I can have two hours free this afternoon,” I found myself thinking. It was only 8.30am… 

Marcus Aurelius’ words came flashing : 

Do external things distract you? Then make time for yourself and learn something worthwhile; stop letting yourself be pulled in all directions. People who labor all their lives but have no purpose to direct every thought and impulse toward are wasting their time - even when hard at work. 

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 2.7. 

I am physically here with my son, but my mind is elsewhere. I end up being no-where truly. 

So what is this worthwhile thing I can learn? 

Lessons learned 

As far as roles are concerned, it is important for me to be a good mother. That involves spending quality time with my children, playing with them, listening and talking to them, helping them flourish, being with them. I even left my cellphone at home that morning so I wouldn’t be tempted to check messages and email, as so many other parents do at the playground. But there is one thing I am lacking just now in the park: presence. 

Everything is here. Except me. 

I could have asked my parents to take care of my son; I could have organized myself better so as to do this work I had to do before the weekend came. That depended on me. But now I’m here. 

“Come back”, I tell myself. “No one outside of yourself is preventing you from being the mother you want to be. Don’t let yourself be distracted.” 

So I focus on the little things: the way my son laughs when he jumps and asks me to look at him, the chocolate dripping from his mouth as he enjoys the pastry, all the questions which he is asking me in a continuous flow to understand the world around him. 

Who you want to be is always with you 

Presence is maybe just that: making sure that who I want to be is always with me, even in the smallest details of life. 

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Flora Bernard is the co-founder of the philosophy agency, Thae, in Paris, France. She is the author of Manager avec les Philosophes (2016), and helps organisations give meaning to what they do.

 

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