Modern society celebrates excess. Whether it’s money, power, or social status, we are taught to believe that more and bigger is better. As children we are exposed to this mindset on a daily basis, through many channels of influence and information. Unfortunately, we usually don’t understand the concept of moderation. Moderation (sōphrosynē) also known as restraint, or the practice of self-control, is the fourth cardinal virtue that I learned from my father. He taught me about moderation in these areas of my life: TV, computer games, money, food and emotions. Well, emotions not so much. More on that later. 

TV/Computer Games 

My father taught by example by limiting his own screen time. On weekdays, he watched the news, and then he would invite my sister and I to watch a documentary on PBS. On Saturday nights, the whole family would all watch a film, and after that, we would do something creative like playing games or painting on the kitchen table together with my mom. Unlike parents who simply allow their kids to watch whatever they want, our parents were quite strict with TV hours, encouraging us to read books instead. My sister and I would often complain that our classmates got to watch more, but my father would shrug off these complaints, saying that “We do things differently than those families, we have different values”. My family also sang together, traditional Greek songs. I loved this most of all, as it brought us together in a harmonious way. 

Money 

My father taught me that about moderation with money. I had to wait to buy something that I really wanted. I had to save up, and wait until the item was on sale. 

Every Saturday, he would take us along to do the grocery shopping, and I noticed that he wouldn’t buy the well-known brands but rather generic brands. He would buy everyday staples like paper towels in bulk. Even if he was a banker, he was proud that he didn’t use his credit card. 

Food 

It’s difficult to learn about eating in moderation if you’re allowed to have whatever you want, whenever you want. Because of this, my parents offered us food only during structured meals in the dining room, so we usually ate healthy food that our parents made for us, and not junk food like many of my classmates. Soft drinks were forbidden, except at parties. As for wine, my father would always let me have a sip from his glass. 

Emotions 

Unfortunately, my parents did not do well in the domain of teaching me moderation with emotions. On the outside, they had everything; a beautiful home that others could only dream of and professional success (my father was the CEO of a major bank and my mother a talented, celebrated interior designer, whose work often appeared in magazines). 

But they often had dramatic arguments, which on a rare occasion also included throwing things at each other and physical altercations yelling, slapping, pushing and shoving. 

As a young girl, it was so disappointing and sometimes terrifying to watch my parents fighting. I couldn't understand how the two people I loved most in the world, could be so mean to each other sometimes. 

Their arguments sparked in me the deep desire to study psychology and philosophy, as I believed that these could help me to prevent similar drama in my life. I read passionately and went to all sorts of seminars so that I would be able to “Know myself” and to better manage anger and anxiety. 

Managing stress and anger turned out to be the most difficult lesson of all; It’s so easy to read about philosophical ideals or anger management, in books, but when someone ‘presses’ your buttons, all that theory goes out the window. 

Five favorite Stoic exercises 

This is one of the main reasons that I have become a prokomenos, a practitioner. I practice some of the main Stoic exercises which have helped me so much in the area of tempering my emotions. These include: 

1. Memento Mori. View from above and contemplation on my own death. 
2. Amor Fati. Gratitude of what is and treating obstacle as the way 
3. Dichotomy of Control. Knowing the difference between what I can and cannot control 
4. Living with Ethos (The 4 Cardinal Virtues: Courage, Justice, Temperance, Practical Wisdom) 
5. The discipline of assent. Asking myself whether the first impression I get about everything that happens to me is correct – ie “give it approval” (Prohairesis). 

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Alkistis Agio MA, PhD is an Executive coach & Trainer on confidence and leadership based in Athens,

 

 

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