Big idea 3 

Don’t worry about things you don’t control 

There is only one way to be happy. Keep this thought ready for use morning, noon and night. Give up the desire for things not under your control. 

Epictetus, Discourses IV.4.39 (Chuck Chakrapani. Stoic Freedom, Ch. 4) 

Most of the things that we worry about, such as our job security, what people think of us, illness, health, accidents, are external to us and are not under our control. Even though we seem to have some control over these things, ultimately we don’t control them. Worrying about things not under our control is meaningless and illogical because our worry, anger and depression have no effect on outside events. We can increase the quality of our life dramatically if we stop worrying about things beyond our control. 

So, there is only one sure way to happiness, tranquility, and freedom. It is to deal with the things that are under our control and stop worrying about what is not under our control. What we don’t control is nothing to us. 

We don’t control externals 

We don’t control external things. What do these “externals” include? They include many things that we normally think are under our control such as our body, what we own now, what people think of us, and our job. This may sound strange to you. Take your body for example. You may feel it is under your control. When you exercise and eat right, your body is healthy. When you neglect your body, it weakens. So we get the feeling that we control our bodies. But if we think more about it, we will realize that even if we exercise and eat right, we can fall ill. Even if we are healthy, eventually the body will grow old and die. Or your body can be damaged in an accident. This is true of all other external things, whether it is reputation, or your job, or your relationship. No matter how solid they look to us now, eventually they are not under our control. 

Because externals are not under our control, we should take them as they come. We don’t have to label them as good and bad, or evil. We don’t have to avoid them and we don’t have to seek them. We don’t have to like them and we don’t have to hate them. They are just what they are. It’s reality. No matter what the external conditions are, it is possible for us to build a happy life. 

The quality of your mind is determined by the quality of your thoughts and the soul is dyed by it. 

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, V.16, 

(Chuck Chakrapani, Stoic Meditions, Ch. 5.16) 

Don’t get attached to external things 

Although externals by themselves cannot make us happy or unhappy, when we believe that they do and get attached to them we sow the seeds of suffering. For example, it is perfectly alright to enjoy a glass of wine. But the moment you feel that you must have a glass of wine to fully enjoy your meal, you are getting attached to it. Then, instead of enjoying wine when you have it, you are unhappy when you don’t have it. Wine becomes your master and you the slave to it. The same is true whether the external is alcohol, food, relationship, reputation, health, wealth. You can enjoy all these when you have them. But you do not need them to be happy. If they go, let them go. 

Look around you in every direction. Mentally get rid of everything. Keep your judgements pure. See that you get attached to nothing that doesn’t belong to you and can be painful if taken away from you. 

Epictetus, Discourses IV.1.112 

(Chuck Chakrapani, Stoic Freedom, Ch.1) 

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