When to use it 

Use this workout as often as possible. If you are like most people you will have scores of opportunities to practice throughout the day. At the end of the day, before going to bed ask yourself how many times you remembered to practice today. If you had not practiced it many times, mentally go over the day and identify situations where you could have practiced it. 

What to use it for 

The purpose of this workout is to make you conscious of the many minor (some major) irritations and annoyances we face throughout the day and are not even aware of them. At this stage, it is not important to change your thinking or behavior. All you need to do is notice how frequently we feel mild – barely noticeable – discomfort during any given day. 

How does it work? 

Carry a pocket counter (which you can probably buy very cheaply in a dollar store) with you all day. If you don’t want to buy a counter, carry a small notebook. 

Throughout the day, whenever you feel any discomfort coming on – even if is very minor – click the counter (or tally it in your pocket notebook). Do this right away, or as soon as you can after that. 

Watch your thoughts around them. See what you are telling yourself. 

If you feel that something that happened shouldn’t have happened (or something that hasn’t happened should have happened), you are not in accordance with reality or ‘the universe’. 

If you feel that somebody’s behavior or something that happened is the cause of your annoyance, you are not in accordance with your nature. 

Such thoughts create friction. Think about them as they happen. See whether you are not in line with the nature of the universe or not in line with your nature. 

In the first example, your friend was rude to you. You are upset because you tell yourself “She shouldn’t have been rude.” You are not in control of your friend’s behavior. Your thinking is not in accordance with the nature of ‘the universe’. 

In the second example, you are annoyed because someone is talking loudly on the phone when you want to enjoy a quiet meal. But to feel annoyed or not is under your control. For example, instead of feeling annoyed, you can choose to ignore him and concentrate on enjoying your meal. To feel miserable or not is your choice. Your reaction is not in accordance with your nature because you are acting helpless. Remind yourself that it is your choice to get annoyed or ignore the other person. 

In many cases, our behavior may conflict with the nature of the universe as well as with our own nature. 

At bed time, review the day and see how often you are in conflict with your own nature or the nature of the universe. If you had not done this exercise many times during the day, it is likely that you forgot about it or did not notice your annoyances during the day. If so, go through different situations that you were in during the day and recall how you felt. Were you ‘in accordance with nature 100%? If not, why were you upset, annoyed or irritated? Was the conflict with yourself, with the universe, or with both? 

Realize every single friction in your life is the result of your being in conflict with nature. Bring it in line with nature for a happy, free, and peaceful life. 

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Friction Finder is a Stoic exercise you can use to become aware how often your life is not running smoothly (‘not in accordance with nature’).

 

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