“After all, showing off is never just about doing or having something. It’s also not just bragging, but it brings a certain fact about them and puts it right in front of our eyes. ”

Showing off and me

I have a confession to make: I’ve never liked showoffs. This “never” includes my pre-Stoic times. I’ve always felt somehow reluctant towards people who flaunted their accomplishment, their possessions, their whatever. For many years I couldn’t really comprehend that sentiment. I’ve simply had some kind of an intuition that such people were cut from of a different cloth than me. But what did that mean?

Showing off is never just about doing or having something

Over time I began to better understand the dynamic of showing off. It gradually dawned on me that what I disliked was not a personal trait but rather the “ontological movement” that consists in showing off. After all, showing off is never just about doing or having something. It’s also not just bragging, but it brings a certain fact about them and put it right in front of our eyes. What was theirs becomes something we need to deal with. Thus, our field of view is disturbed. And it is only harder for us to navigate our own path. This is exactly what makes showing off so annoying.

Needless to say, realizing all this came at the time I turned to Stoicism in my life. Stoicism gave me the platform to understand it not as a random insight or epiphany, but as a part of an entire system of thinking about life. And yet, quite ironically, another thing also happened.

The life budget works differently for different people

From the moment I realized the Stoic underpinning of my view on the issue I also got far more understanding for the nonstoic approach. The better grip I have on the theory (and practice) of Stoicism, the more I accept that the emotional-and meaning-of-life “budget” works differently for different people. For some it works Stoically, for some it doesn’t.

Some people may get the ultimate fulfillment from Stoicism and/or other forms of spiritual development. Yet, some find it in much more mundane matters, like travel, sport, business, or simply enjoying their material wealth. It all depends on the bent of one’s mind, on what one was socialized to do, and on one’s life trajectory.

If someone comes from poverty and their great accomplishment is that they have moved up in life, then it’s quite natural for them to indulge and to show off a bit. For them, their material possessions, the money they have, etc., are not simply a matter of “showing off ” (as a philosopher may be quick to judge) but it rather is who they are. It represents their life’s work. And, as such, it constitutes a fair part of their meaning of life.

Understanding others does not mean following them

This realization breeds understanding. Yet, as always in life, understanding the habits of others (particularly the non-Stoic habits) doesn’t mean we should follow suit.

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Dr. Piotr Stankiewicz, Ph.D., is a writer and philosopher, promoter of reformed Stoicism. He authored Manual of Reformed Stoicism, and Does Happiness Write Blank Pages?

 

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