Everything has two handles

“Everything has two handles, the one by which it may be carried, the other by which it cannot. If your brother acts unjustly, don't lay hold on the action by the handle of his injustice, for by that it cannot be carried; but by the opposite, that he is your brother, that he was brought up with you; and thus you will lay hold on it, as it is to be carried.” - Epictetus, Enchiridion, 43

Stoicism is all about becoming aware of our own reactions to things that we experience, and this philosophy makes clear that we always have at least some measure of choice in how we respond. In this sense, the cryptic-sounding concept of the “two handles” that Epictetus speaks about is worth a deeper exploration. This practical idea can help us make better choices in the uncertain and divisive world we’re living in today.

What does Epictetus mean?

When Epictetus tells us about the handle that “cannot be carried” he’s talking about the fact that we could always take a negative and judgmental attitude, feeling anger towards those (even those extremely close to us, such as a sibling) who act unjustly. That approach could easily lead to overflowing with rage every moment of every day in the current situation of an ongoing pandemic, political crises, economic inequality, and racial and social injustices taking place all around us.

A life of rage

Do we want to live that way? And what’s more, how will we actually act when saturated by negative emotions that make us want to scream?

We’re much more likely to launch into a rant or some destructive act (towards ourselves or others) than to do anything constructive, helpful, or productive.

A measured approach to life

On the other hand, we could take a more measured, “what’s still good about this situation” kind of approach to a situation. We could ask ourselves: “What can I still do? Is there anything I could act on to change and improve? How could I shift my perspective to make this work out better? How could I think of something of value here that’s worth salvaging?” I’m not saying you need to find a “silver lining” in every harmful situation. But it’s worth considering what handle to use – a potentially constructive one, or a destructive one that prevents us from making things any better?

So when confronted with a challenge, instead of spiraling into all the negatives about bad it is and how hurt we feel, we can try to find a way to “grab” it that helps us get through it with integrity, dignity, and a sense of action.

I’ve seen very real examples of this. Let’s say you try for a job and don’t get it. You could just hang around at home and complain about your bad fortune. But then you’re trying to grab the wrong handle. On the other hand, you could figure out something to learn from the application, and move on to the next possible opportunity. People I’ve met who practice Stoicism have told me that their mindset helped them grab a handle that eventually got them the kind of job they wanted. Their perspective made a tangible difference. And even if it didn’t help them reach their goal, they could live their days without the constant bad passions that make things feel awful – no matter what the situation.

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Meredith Kunz is a Silicon Valley based writer. You can read her blogs at thestoicmom.com and her tweets at @meredithkunz.

 

 

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