Three concepts of Stoic thinking that we can apply in everyday practices – approaches that anyone could implement.

I sometimes talk with other people about my efforts to lead a Stoic-inspired life. I don’t try to convert anyone to my way of thinking, but I enjoy sharing the basics of a life philosophy that has been extremely powerful for me – one that could help others, too.

It can be hard to summarize Stoicism on the fly, and I’ve been thinking about the best way. So I’d like to share what could be called the Stoic triad: Three concepts of Stoic thinking that we can apply in everyday practices – approaches that anyone could implement.

The Dichotomy of Control

First comes the central idea – emphasized by Epictetus – that we should divide our existence into things we can and cannot control or have direct power over.

When it comes down to it, most of the things we spend countless hours worrying about are not in our power. And those things can make our lives miserable if we keep insisting that we do, in fact, control them – and that if we can’t, then we have failed as humans.

For example, as a mom, I can easily get caught up in a spiral of worries about my child’s health, safety, school performance, and social life. It’s natural. But if I do that, I’m setting myself up for extreme anxiety, because none of those are truly in my control.

Yes, I’ll do my best to influence each one of them. I take my children to the doctor’s office and get them treated for anything that ails them, and I remind them to be vigilant when crossing the street or encountering strangers. I encourage my daughters to study and to find something interesting to learn about in their classes. I try to ensure that they can see their friends outside class, and that their social circle isn’t a negative influence. But at the end of the day, I am not “in charge” of these things.

What I am in charge of is my own mindset, and my own judgments, choices, and decisions. I can center my mindset around a teaching and coaching approach with my kids, and I can work to ensure that they develop their own sense of judgment – so that they will do the right thing whenever possible. I realize that my family members are their own people and I can’t change them, but I am there for them, giving guidance if I can.

Questioning Your Impressions

The second piece of the Stoic triad is to question your impressions, also expressed by Epictetus. Impressions are our first, knee-jerk reactions to things we perceive or experience. Stoic thinkers tell us to think twice before assuming our first reaction is the right one and acting on it.

How do you put this into practice? So many things we experience are mediated by our own often-misguided judgments of them. Someone didn’t invite you to the meeting? Is it because they secretly hate you – or just forgot? Applying for a new job, but feel defeated by the description’s emphasis on skills you’re still developing? You could decide to give up on it, but why not instead go ahead, and be honest that you’re growing and learning? There are numerous examples of these kinds of situations daily.

Character is King

The last piece of the triad is the true, personal emphasis of Stoicism, which is developing our own character. That’s how we build a good life, a eudaimonic existence – by becoming virtuous. The virtues to strive for are wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation. My own approach is that we should keep working towards the virtues, even if we may not be able to embody them perfectly.

How do we express virtues? Wisdom is the practical kind – being able to tell right from wrong, and to understand the truth of the situation you’re in. Justice is about fairness, and working towards a more equitable world for all humans. Courage is the most self-explanatory – it’s being brave no matter the circumstances. And moderation is having self-discipline over our pleasures and indulgences.

A Stoic Life

All of these approaches can contribute to a much more “sane” life, a Stoic-inspired one that can power us through chaotic times. That’s why I share them with people in my network, and I hope you’ll consider doing the same.

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Meredith Kunz is a Silicon Valley based writer. You can read her blogs at thestoicmom.com and her tweets at @meredithkunz.

 

 

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