“To maximize your ability to do good in the world, don’t find motivation through anger or bitterness. Allow yourself to be happy, and share your happiness with others.”

Is it selfish to be happy?

Sometimes when we look around and see all the terrible things happening in the world, it seems selfish to be happy. It can be tempting to feel despair at the condition of our world. What right does one person have to be happy when so many people are out there suffering?

But if we think about it carefully, the fact that suffering and injustice exist is not a good reason for us to wallow in sadness, guilt, or unhappiness. We can and should take action to alleviate the ills of the world, but we don’t need to be overwhelmed by negative emotion as we do it. Rather than being motivated by anger or bitterness, Stoics are motivated by a positive regard and true affection for others. Happiness doesn’t have to mean complacency: we can be active and happy at the same time.

Four reasons to be happy

Here are four reasons why Stoicism promotes deep, long-lasting happinesss:

You matter as much as any other person (but not more). While we’re wishing for happiness for others, we sometimes forget that our own happiness matters as much as anyone else’s. The Stoics believed that each person is worthy of respect and dignity simply because they are a person. That includes ourselves. We are as worthy of happiness as anyone else.

At the same time, we don’t want to make the mistake of thinking we’re more entitled to happiness than another person. It’s a difficult balance to get right, but Stoicism guides us along this middle ground by asking us to continuously examine our impressions. By rigorously seeking objectivity, we can act in ways that produce happiness for both ourselves and others.

You’re not helping anyone by being miserable (and you’re probably hurting). This is something I remind myself of regularly: I’m not doing any good by feeling bad. What good does it do those in need if I’m feeling depressed about their plight? Absolutely none. What helps others is taking concrete action, not emotion. As Marcus Aurelius reminds us:

It is not in feeling but in action that the good of a rational social creature lies; just as his virtue or wickedness lies not in feeling but in action. Meditations, 9.16.

Negative emotions will drag us down even if we have noble goals. If we ourselves are feeling sour, that’s going to be reflected in our interactions with others, and our negativity will spread. On the other hand, if we’re happy, we can share our happiness widely with others. It may seem paradoxical, but we can actually do more good by being happy rather than angry or bitter.

If you’re waiting for all to be right in the world, it’s going to be a long wait. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can only be happy when there’s no suffering in the world. Clearly, that day will never come. That’s why we have to make peace with the universe – the way it is – before we can find any sort of long-lasting happiness. That doesn’t mean we are idle or complacent. We still try to make the world a better place, but we recognize that our happiness doesn’t depend on it.

Virtuous action brings us happiness

We find happiness in virtuous action. Let’s not forget that the definition of happiness we’re talking about here, eudaimonia, is not a capricious emotion that can come and go. It’s not dependent on external circumstances. On the contrary, eudaimonia is a stable mental condition that results from a life of deep reflection, rigorous training, and appropriate engagement with the world.

Be happy; share your happiness with others

For Stoics, the true happiness of eudaimonia results from a life lived in active partnership with other people. Crucially, though, eudaimonia depends on our own internal condition, not on our ability to eliminate all suffering from the world. Our happiness arises from virtuous action itself. That means we can be happy knowing we’ve done our best to have a positive impact on the world around us, even if we can’t make everyone else happy.

The secret to success, I think – although I’m not a sage so I could be wrong – is not trying to fight fire with fire. We can’t solve other people’s negative emotions with our own negative emotions. We need a different type of weapon: positive emotion that is not dependent on our external circumstances. To maximize your ability to do good in the world, don’t find motivation through anger or bitterness. Allow yourself to be happy, and share your happiness with others.

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Brittany Polat, author of Tranquility Parenting: A Guide to Staying Calm, Mindful, and Engaged, holds a Ph.D. in applied linguistics but currently researches and writes about Stoic psychology and philosophy. Brittany's latest project is Living in Agreement, where she applies her lifelong interest in human nature to the discourse and practice of inner excellence.

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