You are exactly where you need to be

You aren’t stuck. You are exactly where you need to be. It may seem like you’re nowhere, but you’re on the road to somewhere, so put your foot on the gas and go. There’s a statement sometimes attributed to the philosopher Seneca about this: “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

Seneca

Seneca’s political career had been long delayed by his ill health, but his future seemed bright when he finally became a senator. He was well-known for his speeches, but he was condemned to death for his criticisms of the Roman Emperor Caligula. Because it seemed that Seneca might die soon anyway, Caligula commuted the sentence to exile. With his career derailed and facing the prospect of death, he might have just moped around. Instead, Seneca spent his years on the island of Corsica writing – including the “Consolation to Helvia,” to soothe his mother’s grief at losing her son to exile. Caligula died, Seneca lived, and he returned to Rome and resumed his career as a politican and writer.

Marcus Aurelius

Marcus Aurelius became heir to the throne of the Roman Empire at 17, then spent 23 years waiting for his turn to rule. He didn’t even want to be emperor, but he waited patiently, worked to better himself, and when he became the ruler he did his duty conscientiously and well. If you’re feeling stuck, just reflect that your next step might be becoming a powerful emperor – and I know you’d do a great job!

Victor Frankl

The great-souled doctor and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl said that “Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose”. Fortunately, very few of us will ever face being stuck in circumstances like Frankl’s, but think how much easier it is for you to bear your current state. If you believe you were fated for something, destined for something, if you have a goal, if you have a purpose, you can withstand setbacks and obstacles.

The goal of Stoicism is “eudaimonia”– literally meaning something like “good soul”. This is a state of happiness, flourishing, and contentment reached by practicing Stoic virtues. This probably seems pretty difficult to reach, and of course it isn’t easy. But even if you never reach eudaimonia, it is in the striving for it that life happens. With eudaimonia as a goal, you will never be stuck for long.

The pioneering sexologist Havelock Ellis wrote that “In philosophy it’s not the attainment of the goal that matters, it is the things that are met with by the way”. He was a strange dude, but he was right on about this. As you travel towards eudaimonia by practicing the Stoic virtues of wisdom, moderation, courage, and justice, you will carry yourself through and past any rough patches. The virtues are also goals you may never reach, but should never stop aiming for. I’m never going to be perfectly wise, but I hope I’ll get wiser.

Charting a course ahead

Charting a course ahead won’t necessarily be easy – if it was, you wouldn’t find yourself stuck and hesitating. But you don’t have to do it all at once. The “butterfly effect” is a poetic way to describe “chaos theory”, the concept that infinitesimally small actions can cause world-changing events. MIT professor Edward Lorenz gave rise to the name when he posed the question, “can a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil cause a tornado in Texas?” Chaos theory is written on the wings of fluttering insects. From one tiny movement an immense result can occur.

Start small

When you are stuck and change seems impossible, you can start with something incredibly tiny. If that doesn’t work, try something else tiny. Before you know it you’ll have made a big change. But that first tiny step already changed something huge – you.

We go in with a bang, and go out with a bang. In between the bangs is a space we’re all stuck in called living.

Karen Duffy is a producer, actress, and former MTV VJ. Her latest book on Stoicism. Wise Up (https:// amzn.to/3PpLv5D) is published by Seal Press.

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