“Don’t be heard complaining, not even to yourself.” - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.9

No one likes hearing others complain, yet it’s common for us to feel the impulse to complain about our current less-than-ideal situation. Victimhood is running rampant today, but, surely, it always has. This isn’t a modern phenomenon; humans have always complained, and, generally speaking, the further you go back in history the more things people could potentially complain about!

Is victimhood helpful?

One could hold the perspective that we are all victims in some regard. We die, after all, and there is sure to be much suffering along the way. Of course, the Stoics urge us to change our opinion on that and to rather consider ourselves not to be victims at all. Though, I personally find the notion that “we are all victims” a useful one, at times. It provides us with an opportunity to connect with others, which is no easy thing since the scale of victimhood (from 1-10, say) varies considerably amongst individuals.

To the Stoics, it really doesn’t matter a whole lot where you are on that scale of victimhood. That isn’t to say that these “victimhood discrepancies” shouldn’t be worked on (that is the cardinal virtue of Justice, after all), but it is to say that you should not, as an individual, use your victimhood as an excuse to be miserable.

Victims complain

One subtle way in which people do this is by complaining.

When you complain, you are donning the title of “victim”. And that isn’t a useful perspective if we wish to flourish.

Complaining to yourself

However, what is the most interesting part of this quote is the “even to yourself ” part. In fact, if I would personally phrase it as “especially to yourself ” (not to try and oneup Marcus Aurelius; that would be a tall order indeed).

When you complain to yourself, you are doing so without any societal pressure or benefit to do so whatsoever. And perhaps that is an even worse form of complaining because you are solely deceiving yourself as to your victimhood. As Dostoevsky would put it:

Above all, don’t lie to yourself. - Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Mind your thoughts; they manifest as intention and action in the world.

Brandon is most well-known for his podcast, The Strong Stoic Podcast, where he discusses philosophical ideas both solo and with guests. He also coaches individuals to help them be their best selves, writes articles, plays music, manages projects, and several other things.

---