Natural desires and desires of opinion 

There are two kinds of desires. Desires that are natural such as the desire for food when hungry or the desire for water when thirsty. And there are desires born of our opinion: we will be happy if we have so much money, such and such position, so many friends, so much sex, and so on. What is the difference between the two? 

Natural desires are satisfied once you fulfil them. When you eat, you stop being hungry. When you drink water, you stop being thirsty. When you have a roof over your head, you feel protected. Natural desires have limits so you can fulfil them. 

Desires born of your opinion are unlikely to be satisfied when you fulfil them. An expensive dress that you so desired and bought makes you happy. But only for a while. After a few months, not so much. You get the promotion you desired, you are happy for a while, but soon enough you will be looking for the next promotion. Those who desire a million dollars and get it will be looking for the next million, and those who desire a billion dollars and get it will be looking for the next billion. 

Natural desires are limited; but those that spring from false opinion have no stopping point. The false have no limits. 

Seneca, Moral Letters, 16,9. 

Desires and envy 

Because desires of opinion have constantly shifting goal posts, we compare what we have with what others have, to decide where the goal post should be. You may be happy with your income until you learn that your co-worker—someone who you thought was half as good as you—is paid twice as much. You may be happy with your car until you see the fancy car bought by your neighbor. 

Desires of opinion naturally generate envy. We acquire more and more, desire more and more when we see what others have. We value less and less what we have. What should make us happy doesn’t because someone else has more of it. 

No one who views the lot of others is content with their own. 

Seneca, On Anger 3.31.1 

The skill of moderation 

So, to have joy and happiness that last, we should moderate our desires. We see how excessive desires trap us. Instead of being free, we become prisoners of our desires. So, the third skill or virtue we need to practice is moderation. This means we pursue our desires to the extent they don’t start controlling us. 

In practical terms, what does that mean? We can use the following guidelines to understand and moderate our desires, so we use our desires rather than be used by them. 

• There are natural desires, such as quenching thirst or hunger. It is rational to fulfil such desires. 
• There are desires compatible with wisdom and justice, such as the desire to earn a living to provide for oneself and others. It is also rational to fulfil such desires. 
• Then there are desires that are neither natural nor related to wisdom or justice, such as the desire for gourmet food or drink, or good clothes, or a nice house. These desires, by themselves, are neither good nor bad. You can pursue such desires provided (a) you don’t believe that they are needed for your happiness; (b) you are not driven by what others have; and (c) you are not bothered if you don’t attain them or, after having attained them, they are taken away from you. 

This is the skill of moderation. 

You indulge in pleasure, I use it. You think it is the highest good, I do not even think it to be good. For the sake of pleasure I do nothing, you do everything. 

Seneca, On the Happy Life, 10 (Chuck Chakrapani, Stoic Happiness, Ch 10) 

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