Nothing happens to us overnight.

What about a sudden job loss, a cancer diagnosis, a loved one dying, a stock market crash, or a pandemic? Most of those don’t happen overnight either. Things that lead up to these events build over time and they come to the fore at some point and we believe they happened overnight. 

One doesn’t become an alcoholic, a drug addict, an obese person, or a criminal overnight. Neither does one become a kind, generous, or industrious person overnight. 

You face a situation where you can be kind or cruel. What do you choose? You face a situation where you can be angry or calm. What do you choose? You face a situation where you can be helpful or indifferent. What do you choose? You promised someone something. Do you take it seriously or find excuses to get out of it? You have the choice between eating moderately or indulging in excess. What do you choose? These are not hypotheticals. We face situations like this every day, many times a day. Every time we make a choice, we alter the course of our lives in a minor imperceptible way.

Every day we are called upon to make hundreds of minor decisions seemingly of no significance. Do I get up now or hit the snooze button? Do I eat this or that? Do I give to charity or spend the money on myself? Should I eat that extra piece of pie? Do I help this person or find an excuse not to? Should I have the third glass of wine? None of these decisions are life changing. Yet every decision we make has some, imperceptible and miniscule, impact on our lives.

In the end, it is the everyday choices we make, things we don’t pay attention to, that decide who we are and how our life will turn out. When we wake up one day and realize that our life is going nowhere, it is no accident. No major force is working to defeat us. How did we end up here? Surely, we did not choose this destination. Maybe we did not choose this destination but the path we took by our everyday choices got us here.

We do one thing and it has no impact on our life. We repeat the action. Again no impact. We repeat it again. No impact. We continue like this. Eventually our life changes because of the actions we took and the choices we made. And we can’t see the connection between our actions and the way we are now. Actions that are insignificant individually alter the course of our lives over a period of time.

Every one of our actions has some effect, however imperceptible. To get our life right, we need to get everyday actions right. The ancient Stoics gave us several guidelines to help us run our daily life and will lead to a life that flows well. When we consciously practice these principles for a while, they will become an automatic part of our everyday decision making.

Simple Stoic guidance

Stoic rules for everyday living can be summarized in  a few short paragraphs.

1.    It is your judgments that cause your problems

You may take offense at something. But it is true that not  everyone will. What you thought offensive was not offensive to someone else.  Someone else may even find it funny. So what you took offense to is not offensive in itself – you interpreted it that way. If you decide that it is no big deal, it won’t be.

Forget the belief “I’ve been harmed,” and you won’t feel harmed. Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 4.7

2.    Don’t rush to judgments

Whenever you are in the grip of negative emotions, understand that your judgment can be flawed. Your impression can be wrong.

So, don’t react immediately. Review the situation calmly, give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and react rationally.

When someone provokes you, if you respond with anger or some other negative emotion, your mind is tricked into believing you are being harmed. So it is essential not to respond to impressions impulsively. Take some time before reacting. You will see you are in better control. - Epictetus, Encheiridion, 20

3.     Use these four criteria

To make sure that your judgments are sound, use these four criteria:

a. Is this unwise?

How do you know if your actions are wise? Start with a simpler question: Is what I am concerned about under my control? If it is not, then you don’t have to be concerned about it. Actions are wise when the situation is under your control and you are not at the mercy of others. Preparing for an interview is under your control so you can be concerned about it. Once you have done the interview, the results are not under your control. So it is unwise to be concerned about it. 

If it is under your control, then you can ask the next quesiton.

b. Is this excessive?

If you decide that your decision is not unwise, then decide if your response is excessive. Eating when you are hungry is wise. But eating too much may not be. Our life goes toward what we do every day.

c. Is this based on fear?

Sometimes, decisions that appear wise may be based on fear. You may donate to a charity not because you really want to but because you are worried about what others may think. A Stoic does the right thing because she feels it is the right thing to do, not because of fear.

d. Is this just?

We should refrain from unjust actions even they pass through all the other filters.

Injustice is a sin. Nature made rational beings for mutual benefit, to help, not harm, one another. To go against nature’s will is to sin against the highest god. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.1

Stoic rules are simple: Understand that it is your judgments that cause your problems. So examine your first impressions thoroughly. Put your decisions through four  filters (wisdom, moderation, courage, and justice). Then all your actions will be correct.

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