1. Not everything is up to us

There is a fundamental distinction between what falls within my agency and what does not, and my life is always noticeably better whenever I keep this distinction firmly in mind and act accordingly. Which means focusing my efforts on the things that are under my control while developing an attitude of equanimity and acceptance towards everything else.

Some things are up to us and some are not. Up to us are judgment, inclination, desire, aversion – in short, whatever is our own doing. Not up to us are our bodies, possessions, reputations, public offices – in short, whatever isn’t our own doing. - Epictetus, Encheiridion 1

2. Judgments are not facts

There is another fundamental distinction that is very useful: that between judgments and opinions (internally generated by us) and facts or events (outside of us). 

People are troubled not by things but by their judgments about things. - Epictetus, Encheiridion 5

3. Relationships are important

Relationships are by far the most important thing in a human life. 

Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul. Speak as boldly with him as with yourself. - Seneca, Letter 3.2

Human beings, the Stoics maintained, are fundamentally social animals capable of reason. From which they inferred that a good human life is one in which we use reason to make this a better world for everyone. And I mean everyone, hence their notion of cosmopolitanism

4. Beware of assumptions

When people disagree about things, often the disagreement isn’t so much about what it appears to be, but about more basic, unstated assumptions.

Imagine arguing with someone about whether a movie is good. This goes on for a while, with both of you quarreling over details. Then it occurs to you to ask: What is a good movie, anyway? What makes one better than another? You realize that you’ve been arguing about a particular movie – the question in the foreground – because you have different opinions about those larger questions in the background. The background questions are what you should be arguing about. - W. Farnsworth, The Socratic Method, ch. 17

5. Facts don’t change people

People rarely change their mind because they are confronted with facts. But they do feel very uncomfortable when they are caught contradicting themselves, a situation that generates what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. 

Socratic questioning typically avoids arguments about external facts. It tries to contradict a claim by using the beliefs of whoever holds it. That’s often wise; confronting people with facts is a surprisingly ineffective way to change their minds about anything. - W. Farnsworth, The Socratic Method, ch. 18

It took me reading books on rhetoric to finally appreciate the point: if you manage to bring people to agree with two or more propositions and then show them that such propositions are in tension with each other, people will pause and start to consider that perhaps they don’t know as much as they thought they did.

6. Inquire rather than lecture

It is far better to ask questions than to lecture people (including my students). This also comes from Socrates, who often begins one of his dialogues (note, dialogues, not lectures) with something along the lines of “Shall we inquire into this, then?” (note the “we,” as well as the “inquire,” very different from “shall I explain this to you?”).

7. Focus on the good that we have

It is far better to focus on the good that we have rather than on the pursuit of things we don’t have. Here is how Marcus Aurelius, the emperor-philosopher, puts it:

Instead of imagining that you possess things you don’t, select, from among those you do have, the ones you count yourself most fortunate to have, and remind yourself in their case how much you’d have wanted them if you didn’t have them. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.27

8. It’s the quality, not the duration

The quality of our life is important, not its duration. We hear of billionaires who wish for immortality, even though many people don’t know what to do with themselves come the weekend. 

No one can have a peaceful life who thinks too much about lengthening it. … Most people ebb and flow in wretchedness between the fear of death and the hardships of life; they are unwilling to live, and yet they do not know how to die. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 4.4-5

9. We learn much from the past

We learn much from those who came before us, if we are willing to pay attention.  Why the ancients? Why pay attention to people (mostly men) who have been dead for a couple of millennia or more? Because they were just like us, and because they thought long and hard about what that means and how to act in order to live a life worth living.

Consider:

You may go to the ancients; for they have the time to help you. We can get assistance not only from the living, but from those of the past. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 52.7

This is a condensed version lightly edited version of an article that first appeared in https:// thephilosophygarden.substack.com/p/here-are-a-few-things-i-learned. Massimo is professor of philosophy at CityUniversity New York.

---