My garage gym has a large, laminated poster on the wall. It’s a replica of the one my father created when I was in high school, featuring the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling. Around the poem, he sketched pictures of different athletes, capturing the range of emotions regularly experienced in sports, from the joy of victory to the disappointment felt in defeat. 

The opening lines of the poem hold particular significance: “If you can keep your head when all about you, Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.” Throughout my life, I have encountered moments where anger was directed towards me. I’ve learned to appreciate the importance of staying calm and not giving in to anger. In the instances where I felt anger, I have learned to lessen its intensity. What lessons can we draw from Stoic philosophy to help us manage this emotion?

“BE” aware 

So it should be understood that all mental perturbation is traceable to a personal belief. - Cicero, Tusculan Dispositions, 4.87

To experience anger, it often stems from a violation of what I refer to as the “BE” complex: our Beliefs and Expectations. When anger builds, it is crucial to identify which belief or expectation is being challenged. We feel anger when our expectations are not met or when our deeply held beliefs are compromised. It is important to understand these beliefs and expectations. How did we come to adopt these beliefs? Are they rational? How long have we held the belief? Is it possible to view the situation from a different perspective? Epictetus states that anger arises from a mistaken belief that we have been harmed, which occurs when we attach importance to something external, such as something stolen from us. (Discourses, 1.18.11). 

When my children make mistakes, I often reflect on whether my expectations of them, considering their maturity and skills, are reasonable. As practicing Stoics, it is important for us to incorporate self-examination into our everyday lives. Through developing a more profound comprehension of our beliefs, we can skillfully navigate and control any anger that may surface when we encounter situations that challenge those beliefs.

Be aware of the kindling for anger 

I grew up outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and I have vivid memories of the harsh winters where our cars had difficulty operating when the temperature dropped below zero. I recall the numbness in my extremities as I tinkered with the car’s carburetor in brutal conditions, desperately hoping the car would start. Any engine dysfunction became apparent as temperatures plunged. 

This made me think about how certain physical states can set the conditions for anger. When we’re sleep-deprived or hungry, it’s much easier for us to become irritable and angry. We need to be mindful of other physical factors like pain, which can also fuel anger. As Seneca puts it,  

…this is certainly the reason why those who are broken by ill health or age are more irascible than other men. Hunger also and thirst should be avoided for the same reason. - Seneca, On Anger, 3.9 

From an emotional standpoint, frustration acts as another spark to ignite the fire of anger. For instance, when my frustration reaches its peak, such as being stuck in an endless wait to speak with a customer service representative, it becomes much easier for me to lose my temper. Additionally, it is important to be aware of the news media you consume, as it might impact your mental well-being and lead to feelings of anger.  

Be aware of society volatility 

Our society has a mental health crisis, with many individuals experiencing high levels of anxiety and depression. It is important to bear this in mind as we navigate the world, understanding that the person who may have flipped us off while driving or yelled at us for seemingly no reason might struggle with their own mental health. While this is not an excuse for bad behaviour, by applying the concept of premeditatio malorum, or thinking beforehand of what we might face, we can better control our own reactions and not succumb to anger as well. Often, our ego triggers anger as a visceral response when we feel violated, and the ego is certainly not the most reliable compass for reacting rationally.

It is important to recognize the standards we hold for ourselves, especially if we aspire to live a joyful and fulfilling life. Focus intently on nurturing virtue and keeping anger at bay, as this will enhance the quality of your life.

Virtue alone is lofty and sublime, nor is anything great which is not at the same time tranquil. - Seneca, On Anger, 1.21 

---