The psychologist Maurice Riseling remarked, “Sooner or later, life makes philosophers of us all.” It is when you are in the middle of a crisis that you most need philosophy. For me, this is a set of rules and values that tells me what to think when I don’t know what to think. I do my deep thinking in advance, so if disaster strikes, I can act with confidence. We Stoics call this premeditatio malorum: imagining bad things before they happen, so when they do, we’ll be ready.

It’s human nature that in a scary situation, whether it’s public speaking or a shocking accident, we go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. These are normal reactions to abnormal events. Those who flee or freeze are in the grip of fear: of retaliation, of getting harmed, or the unknown.

This is known as the “bystander effect,” and it describes people who are less likely to step up and help in an unjust, difficult, or dangerous situation. The bystander effect is magnified when other people also freeze up or walk away; this sends the message that it’s okay to do nothing.

I prefer to be an upstander, someone who sticks up for others in the face of injustice, someone who takes action to lessen another’s suffering. The key to being an upstander is self-reliance.

My self-reliance grows from my practice of premeditatio malorum. I believe this is not just thinking about what might happen, it’s action. You can prepare by learning first aid. You can keep a go-bag at the ready in case the floodwaters start rising. You can plan with your family what happens after you die (make a will!).

After 9/11, I was determined to prepare myself mentally for the worst, and to be ready to take action if the worst happened. I believed that I would be living the four cardinal Stoic virtues by doing so: Courage, to act in the face of danger; Wisdom, to know what was necessary; Justice, to do good in the world; and Moderation, in acknowledging my own feelings of fear and doubt while not giving in to them. In accordance with my principles, I signed up for a course offered by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. I trained in civilian disaster response so I could join my local Community Emergency Response Team.

Not long after I became a certified member of the Manhattan Community Board Number Two CERT Team, I saw a cab hit an elderly gentleman. I immediately called 911 and told the cabbie to divert traffic so the man wouldn’t get run over again.

Then I tended to the accident victim. He was conscious, so I asked if I could sit with him until the ambulance arrived.

“Ambulance? What’s wrong with me?”

He was bleeding from a head wound, but I was a rookie, and I thought the best thing to do was fudge the truth. I didn’t want to tell him about the blood. I didn’t want to panic him. So I told him he was fine and I was going to sit with him and hold his hand.
 
I may have overdone the comforting, because he replied, “Well, if I’m okay, I’ll just get up.” Our training had stressed that if the victim was in a safe place, not to move them. I kept telling him to stay put, and he kept trying to get up.

Finally I told him that I was a trained Community Emergency Response Team Volunteer and ordered him to stay still or I’d sit on him. He still didn’t listen. So I sat on him, until the paramedics got there and asked me what the hell I was doing sitting on an accident victim.

I still have much to learn both as a CERT Team member and as a student of Stoicism. I agree with Ralph Waldo Emerson, known as the “American Stoic,” that self-reliance is doing what you believe is right instead of blindly following society. Living a life that is risk-averse can be the greatest risk of all. You run the risk of living an unfulfilled and unlived life.

In Emerson’s most well-known essay, Self- Reliance, he writes “Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.” I understand this to mean that I know what is best for me and to draw strength and contentment in my actions. I trust myself, I aim for the highest good, and I trust that I will make mistakes. I can rely on this.

Karen Duffy is a producer, actress, and former MTV VJ. Her latest book on Stoicism. Wise Up (https:// amzn.to/3PpLv5D) is published by Seal Press.

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