Your character development is personal

We may want to keep in mind that a philosophy like Stoicism does not need others’ approval for us to be successful practitioners. We can practice Stoicism as effectively when others are supportive as when they are not. The essence of Stoic practice is developing our character. This does not require other people’s help or approval. To be a Stoic means to be able to do the right thing irrespective of what others think of what we are and what we think. You may prefer to practice in a supportive atmosphere but it is not necessary. In fact, developing your inner character when others don’t care can be part of your Stoic training. 

What others think or do is an external

What others think is an external to us and so it is none of our business. We cannot fix others’ thinking and actions, we an only deal with ours.

Does that mean we should stop caring for others? No, because caring for others is in our control. But once we think that others should also experience our wisdom we are trying to control externals. This is why many well-meaning people suffer – they try to control what they cannot.

Show, don’t tell

Some of us may be so excited by the benefits of practicing Stoicism that we would like to share the philosophy with people who are close to us, so they can also benefit from it. But they may not only not share our enthusiasm, they may even think our philosophy is weird. Why be upset about it? There is a better way. Why not continue to practice silently and let others know by the way we live that what we practice is a worthwhile pursuit. Instead of telling them the benefits of Stoicism, we can show them the benefits by the way we live.

A builder doesn’t come up and say, “Listen to my discourse on the art of building,” but gets a contract and builds a house. He thereby shows he has mastered the art of building. You should do likewise.  Eat like a human being, drink like a human being, dress, marry, become a parent, assume your social responsibilities, put up with abuses; put up with an inconsiderate brother, a father, a son, neighbour, and fellow-traveller. Show these things so we can see that you really have learned something from philosophers. - Epictetus, Discourses, 3.21

What do our contributors say?

• Andi Sciacca. It is not our job to evangelize. Instead let’s deal with the interruptions, diversions, and obstacles.
• Brandon Tumblin. Continuing to practice even when others don’t understand or approve is an act of resilience.
• Glenn Citeroni. It’s a losing proposition to expect others to follow your lead. To help ourselves and others, we need to maintain our Stoic centre.
• Karen Duffy. We don’t have to convince anyone, but others will know we are Stoics by how we live.
• Greg Sadler. It’s easier said than done. Let’s pay attention to the three reminders of Epictetus.

---