Hierocles’ circles

Hierocles, a Stoic philosopher from the second century CE, devised a visual representation of oikeiosis, the perception of something belonging to oneself. Hierocles emphasized the idea that we all belong to each other as an interconnected community. He depicted this concept using concentric circles. The innermost of the circle directs care towards the individual in question. Moving outward, we then extend our care to encompass our immediate family, followed by our extended family. As our concern expands, we include our fellow citizens, and ultimately, all of humanity. Hierocles proposed our aim is to draw the circles closer to the center, gradually incorporating more individuals into our sphere of concern, thus embracing the entirety of humanity. 

In my experience, the most challenging aspect of practicing Stoicism lies within the first few circles – my immediate and extended loved ones. It sometimes pains me to witness the mental suffering they occasionally endure, knowing that the principles of Stoicism might bring them solace and well-being. I can deal with a boss yelling but when loved ones are hurting, it can cut right through me.  One of my loved ones has repeatedly expressed their inability to overcome their worries, saying, “I can’t help it. I worry, and I always will.” My own well-being is affected as I realize that there are Stoic principles that are not being used, generating feelings of sadness or even frustration within me. 

The Stoic centre

Yet, I must draw myself back into the “Stoic Center” as I like to call it – which helps recalibrate my own wellbeing.  I need to realize no matter how much I put into the practice of Stoicism, it’s likely a losing proposition to expect others to do the same.  As Stoics, we should expect that we’re practicing a philosophy whose principles are often at odds with how most people operate in life. This doesn’t mean that we’re better than others and certainly we should not preach to them as much as we may want to. I am reminded of Epictetus’ words about relationships with others, 

…furthermore, in his relations with others, he will always be frank and open with one who is like himself, and will be tolerant, gentle, forbearing, and kind with regard to one who is unlike him, as likewise to one who is ignorant and falls into error on the matters of the highest importance; and he will never be harsh with anyone because he fully understands the saying of Plato, that ‘no mind is ever willingly deprived of the truth.’ - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.22.35

The feelings of those we love are beyond our control and therefore it is not our place to teach them how they should react to life circumstances. Their emotions and judgments are uniquely their own. However, we have obligations towards them, not only in our familial and civic relationships but also in the values we display and the kindness we extend to those who hold different perspectives.  Approaching others with a spirit of generosity, namely with our time, attention, and empathy, can help us avoid the trap of being sanctimonious. 

Don’t jump into the vortex 

When a loved one is experiencing profound sadness, frustration, or anger, I imagine a swirling black vortex symbolizing their emotions. I silently remind myself, “I’m not jumping into that vortex.” While I can understand their feelings, I refrain from immersing myself in their emotional whirlpool. Doing so would compromise my capacity to support them, as I would be in a similar emotional state. I have the power to manage my judgments and choose how to respond. In nearly every instance, I opt for kindness. And that’s not always easy, especially if anger is directed at me!  

You should rejoice with all in their joys and sympathize with them in their troubles, remembering what you should offer and what you should withhold. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 103.3

Sometimes I hear a loved one repeating a Stoic principle. For example, during his graduation speech, my son quoted Marcus Aurelius, saying, “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” My spouse has said to others, “It’s out of your control, so you can’t worry about it.” These Stoic undercurrents unexpectedly surface within my inner circle, suggesting that my dedication to living a spiritual and Stoic life may have had a positive impact on them. 

I like to believe that Providence brought us together for loving and supporting each other through life’s challenges. They have undoubtedly made me a better person, and by intertwining our lives, we can create a resilient and vibrant “sacred pattern,” as eloquently described by Marcus Aurelius. (Meditations, 7.9). They don’t need to practice Stoicism, but I can. And that’s all that matters. 

Glenn Citerony is an Executive Wellness Coach who employs Stoic concepts to help improve people’s lives. He is passionate about Stoicism and its relevance to addressing today’s challenges. Glenn can be reached at glennciterony.com.

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