Our choices shape our character.

Your highest quality is the power to choose. Everything else you have is subject to that, but the power to choose itself is unrestrained and absolute. - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.10

This power to choose wisely—especially when overwhelmed by our own desires—is the virtue of moderation. (I prefer the word moderation over temperance, since temperance is often associated specifically with controlling the urge to drink.)

Moderation is the skill of knowing what to choose and what to reject. It is the ability to avoid unwise decisions and to apply the brakes to runaway impulses, ensuring that what is pleasurable now does not become harmful later.

Moderation is knowledge of what to choose, what to reject, and what is neither. - Stobaeus, Anthology 2.5b

Three kinds of desire

Let’s explore this idea further. Our desires fall into three categories:

Desires for essentials: Food, water, shelter. These are rational needs, necessary for survival.

Desires for improvements: Better food, a more comfortable house, a healthy body. These are neither strictly rational nor irrational. They can be enjoyed, as long as pursuing or having them does not harm you or others. These are called indifferents.

Limitless desires: For things like food, drugs, alcohol, or possessions. These may be pleasurable at first but can end up harming you or others.

Whenever we face a desire, we feel an impulse to act. But our intended action may or may not be rational—it might help us, harm us, or have no effect. Moderation is the means by which we rationalize our choices.

Differentiating our desires

How do we know if a desire is rational? Generally, a rational desire diminishes when fulfilled. For example, you are thirsty, you drink water, and your thirst is quenched. Such desires are tied to survival.

Desires for optional things can be rational or irrational. If you earn enough to cover your basic needs and wish for a bigger house or more possessions, that’s fine—so long as seeking or having them isn’t harmful. But problems arise when, after getting a bigger house, you immediately want an even bigger one. Or after one glass of wine, you crave another, and then another. These desires, instead of subsiding, only grow stronger, leading to addiction, excess, greed, and other irrational behaviours. Developing moderation protects us from these harmful excesses.

Candidates for moderation

Moderation helps us stabilize our impulses so we don’t act in harmful ways. Our desire for external things—money, possessions— is not inherently good or bad. Their value depends on why and how we pursue them.

Eating can be healthy; overeating can be harmful. Earning money to provide for yourself is rational; obsessively chasing wealth may not be. Moderation is the special skill of knowing the difference. It restrains unhealthy passions and prevents self-harm.

Self-control

Because moderation relates to choice, it covers  a  range  of  behaviours:  being orderly, organized, modest, and exercising self-control.

Self-control is part of moderation. The moderate person’s reactions are measured and well thought out. They are not swept away by passion or runaway desires. They resist irrational pleasures that can be harmful. For example, a person with self- control will not lash out in anger or indulge in excessive eating or drinking, recognizing the negative consequences of such actions.

Orderliness, organization, and modesty

Orderliness and organization are also aspects of moderation. A moderate person knows what to do and in what order, what to move toward and what to avoid. They are modest, able to accept justified criticism without becoming upset or angry.

Practicing moderation: Some suggestions

How do you practice moderation? Here are some thoughts:

1.    Avoid excesses

Why avoid excess? If one drink is good, why not two? If one piece of cake is good, why not three? When people find something good, they often assume more is better. But extremism—whether in politics, religion, or personal habits—can be destructive. Epicurus cautioned us to avoid pleasures that will lead to pain later. How do we know which desires are worth fulfilling and which require caution?

There are two categories of desires:

1.    Natural desires. Desires for water, food, shelter—these are natural, common to all, and easy to fulfill. They do not lead to excess. Once satisfied, the desire disappears.

2.    Desires of opinion. Desires for exotic drinks, gourmet food, or lavish homes are based on opinion. A modest home can shelter you as well as a mansion. Not all desires of opinion are incompatible with virtue. Earning a living to provide for yourself and others is rational. Enjoying comforts is fine—unless you come to believe you need them for happiness. Then, you become a slave to externals.

A major problem with material desires is the lack of a logical stopping point. Once one is fulfilled, another takes its place. The goalpost keeps shifting.

Natural desires are limited; those which spring from false opinions have nowhere to stop. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 16

To avoid excess, first identify your desire: Is it natural, or a desire of opinion compatible with wisdom and virtue? If not, be cautious; don’t indulge without considering long-term consequences.

2.    Practice self-control

Our impulses demand immediate gratification—anger when insulted, another drink, a convenient lie. These emotionally driven impulses can offer short-term pleasure but lead to long-term unhappiness.

Self-control is an unmatched understanding of what is revealed by sound reasoning, or an unbeatable state of mind that aligns with reason, or a condition that pleasures cannot overcome. - Stobaeus 2.5, Diogenes Laertius, 7.93

Moderation means taking control of our lives and not being pushed around by impulses. Practicing self-control means following reason, not impulse. With self- control, immediate gratification cannot defeat us.

Impulsive actions involve no thinking. If we pause and reflect, we might see that retaliation, overeating, or overspending are unwise. Yet, we often act without thinking. Here are three suggestions to build self- control:

a.    Before you act, pause

Most impulses pass quickly. When you feel compelled to act, tell yourself, “This can wait another two minutes.” Focus on something else—your breath, counting backwards. After two minutes, the impulse will likely have loosened its grip. Now, calmly reassess.

Reason gives us the ability to act or not act and to desire something or move toward or away from it by properly judging our perceptions or impressions. - Epictetus, Discourses, 1.1.70

b.    If you’ve already acted, review

We are used to acting on impulse. Often, our impulses take over before we realize it. When this happens, review what transpired and how emotion took over. Becoming conscious of our failings is the first step to correcting them.

The reason it is so difficult for us to regain our health is that we don’t realize that we are sick. Even if we begin to heal ourselves, how long will it take to get rid of all these harmful diseases? And yet, we have not even begun to look for a doctor! - Seneca, Moral Letters, 50

As we become more aware of how impulses grip our actions, we can gradually replace them with reasoned responses.

c.    At other times, rehearse

Athletes prepare for events by rehearsing. We can do the same. Imagine situations where you might act impulsively, and mentally practice responding rationally. This mental rehearsal will help you remember to act with reason when the occasion arises.

Make it a habit to consider that when you are about to act, you should reflect on what kind of action it is. - Epictetus, Discourses, 4.10

3.    Be orderly, organized, and modest

Moderation includes modesty, orderliness, and organization.

ï    Modesty means being open to justified criticism and not taking offense when it is deserved. Likewise, avoid criticizing others without cause.

ï    Orderliness means knowing when to act and when to refrain, and what to do now versus later.

ï    Organization means understanding the sequence of actions—what to do first, what follows.

Orderliness is knowledge of appropriate and inappropriate motions; Organization is knowledge of when one is to act and what to do after what, and in general of the ordering of actions. — Stobaeus, 2.5b

Moderation is about refraining from excess, exercising self-control, and knowing what to do and in what order.

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