Courage is knowing what to fear and what not to fear. Not everything we face in life is terrible. We should fear only what is truly terrible and not fear what isn’t. That’s Stoic courage.

Everyday courage

Courage can mean fighting a dictator, standing up to a bully, or climbing a dangerous mountain. But most of us won’t face such dramatic challenges. What we do face daily is the need for the courage to not be defeated by our circumstances. That’s the kind of courage I want to talk about.

We need courage to face our fears. While we may have myriad fears, we can eliminate most of our everyday fears once we are clear about what we should be afraid of at all.

Our aversions

When we’re averse to something, we’re afraid of it. In Stoicism, aversion includes everything from mild dislike of a coworker to intense fear of death. Aversions include fears—of illness, old age, loneliness, death, and more. If we weren’t averse to these things, we wouldn’t fear them. Aversions are the flip side of desires. Desires pull us toward things; aversions push us away.

Why aversions matter

Aversions aren’t harmless. They shrink our world. We may be averse to broccoli, crowds, loud people, foreigners, poor economic conditions, or something else. As the list grows long, our choices narrow. We lose freedom. Worse, aversions become fears that run our lives.

Say we’re obsessed with job security. We fear losing our job and do whatever it takes to keep it—even if it’s unethical or against our values. Fear of losing our job, loved ones, youth, or comfort can take over our lives.

So how do we know what to fear and what not to? How do we stay courageous when life gets hard? How do we stop being ruled by our aversions?

A simple test

Here’s a test: take any fear and ask, “Is this under my control?” If it is, fear making the wrong choice. If it isn’t, face it with courage.

Some examples

I fear getting old.

Is this under my control? No. If we live long enough, we’ll get old. Nothing to fear. Let us face it when the time comes.

I fear harming others.

Is this under my control? Yes. We control our actions. We should fear harming others because we’re part of a community.

I fear losing my job.

Is this under my control? No. We can lose our jobs for reasons beyond our control. Nothing to fear. Let us face it when the time comes.

I get angry with coworkers who won’t cooperate.

Is this under my control? Yes. We may not be able to control our coworkers, but we can control our reactions. We should fear our anger because it harms us.

Next time you feel fear, however mild, ask: Is this under my control? If not, it’s nothing to us. Face it with courage.

Much of our everyday fears will vanish once we see that what is not under our control is not terrible, and if we choose to take life as it comes. Courage to face our everyday life is the biggest courage of all.

Chuck Chakrapani

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