When should we care about public approval?

People crave the approval of others. We post pictures on social media hoping for likes. We try to impress with wit, wisdom, wealth, and sophistication. We seek out prestigious company and exclusive venues. Much of our behaviour is calculated to win admiration.

We seem programmed to seek appreciation. Whether we post online, buy a big house, drive a fancy car, wear expensive clothes, or write a brilliant academic paper—there’s often a hidden payoff: to be admired. And when others don’t care about who we are or what we’ve achieved, we feel crushed.

This need for approval isn’t limited to those low on the social ladder. Billionaires who can’t spend what they already have still want more. People live in homes far larger than they need, attend boring parties, justify their actions to others, and donate to institutions just to have their names engraved.

We feel secure when others applaud us—and insecure when they don’t. In chasing approval, we lose authenticity. We begin living a life designed to please others rather than one true to ourselves. We become actors in a play scripted by others, not authors of our own lives.

What’s wrong with seeking approval?

When we care too much about public opinion, we become fearful. Every decision feels like a crisis. “What will others think?” overshadows “Is this the right thing to do?”

This fear robs us of joy. We start doing things to gain approval rather than to express what we truly think or feel.

We have one life. Do we spend it performing in someone else’s play—or do we choose our own script?

The Stoic rule: When to care about public opinion

Stoics offer a clear rule: If someone’s opinion relates to your character, pay attention. If not, don’t attach too much importance to it.

Stoics don’t need approval to act rightly or to be who they are. Their compass is internal, guided by character.

A story of character

Years ago, I watched a TV interview with a famous Indian playback singer. The host asked why he remained so humble despite his fame. The singer replied:

"Maybe I'm rich and famous. But where do I hide if someone points at me and says "He is a great singer. Rich and famous too. But he is not a good man."

This is the Stoic sense of shame Epictetus often spoke about. When public opinion points to a character flaw—and only then— should we care and feel ashamed. As Plutarch wrote of Cato:

[Cato] would accustom himself to be ashamed only of what deserves shame. - Plutarch , Lives, on Cato the Younger

When to ignore public opinion

If others’ opinions have nothing to do with our character, they are indifferents. We may choose to conform—or not. Cato chose to ignore, even despise, negative public opinion:

[Cato would] despise all other sorts of disgrace. - Plutarch, Lives, on Cato the Younger

What does this mean? When opinions don’t touch our character, we are free to ignore them—especially when they’re negative.

Why ignore negative public opinion?

We often seek applause from the ignorant, the unstable, and the misinformed. But why?

1. We don’t need applause from the ignorant. Before seeking praise, ask: Are these people wise or ignorant? If they’re ignorant, why value their applause?

How foolish one must be to leave a lecture hall gratified by the applause of the ignorant! Why do you take pleasure in praise from those you cannot praise yourself? - Seneca, Moral Letters, 52

2. We don’t need admiration from the unstable. People with no stable opinions offer fleeting judgments. Why accept them as truth?

Who are these people that you want to be admired by? Aren’t they the same ones whom you used to call crazy? Well, then, do you want to be admired by madmen? - Epictetus, Discourses, 1.21.4

3. We don’t need to follow half-baked ideas. Many offer opinions that lead us astray.

Nothing gets us into greater trouble than our belief in untested advice, our habit of thinking that what others think as good must be good, believing counterfeits as being truly good, and living our life not by reason but by imitating others. - Seneca, On Happiness,¹

4. We lose our character when we accept opinions from those who don’t share our values. Unless someone shares our values, their opinion shouldn’t shape us.

“What I know, they do not approve. What they approve, I do not know.” ( Epicurus ) - Seneca, Moral Letters, 29

So what should we do?

Care about others’ opinions only when they relate to your character. In all other cases, feel free to consider or reject them. Seeking approval for its own sake can diminish your character.

Live by your values. Not by applause.

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