My son is on his college rowing team. When he’s traveling to races and regattas on the team bus, he and the guys will watch a movie to pass the time. I once appeared in a film called “Dumb and Dumber,” a title he had no interest in watching at home, but he caught it on a long trip with his mates.

Not all works are masterpieces

After viewing this masterpiece of cinema, he asked me, “Why are all the movies you’re in…why are they so bad?” I replied, “Well, son, they can't all be ‘The Godfather.’ Someone has to make the bad ones, and for several years in the 90s, that was my job.” Reviews of my oeuvre during this time included these assessments: “a frayed string of gags posing as a movie,” “This is a long way from the social comedy of Jerry Lewis,” “one of the worst films to pass itself off as family entertainment,” and “Shudderingly awful. You'll need a shower.” My son is a national and international champion, but I don’t think it’s my work as a thespian that inspired him.

When you put your work out for the public to read and watch, you open yourself up to a multitude of opinions. I don’t expect to be everyone’s cup of tea, and luckily for me, it turned out I’m not. A long-running joke on “The Simpsons” is a parody of a wooden action movie star named McBain. Guess what? There is an actual action movie of the same title, and I’m in it. The reviews observe that it is “Shockingly bad, awful writing, awful plot” and “everything about this movie is so dumb you can’t enjoy it.” I guess this reviewer had not seen my other work on the silver screen. 

Epictetus said,

“If you’re informed that someone or other is speaking ill of you, don’t defend yourself against the allegations, but respond by saying: ‘Well, he must be unaware of my other faults, otherwise these wouldn’t have been the only ones he mentioned.’” Enchiridion, 33.9

On taking a beat and reflecting

criticism as a tool for reflection and improvement. If the criticism is unfair, Stoicism has taught me to take a beat, control my initial reaction, and not be a wiseass or leave a sharp comment in reply. If I decide the criticism is valid it’s an opportunity for growth and self improvement. If I conclude that it’s malicious or untrue, it’s an opportunity to have empathy for the critic, who is acting out of ignorance.

I did laugh at the negative reviews, though. Seneca wrote that “It is more fitting for a man to laugh at life than to lament over it,” (On the Tranquility of Mind, 15.2) and I think my temperament is naturally inclined in agreement with Seneca.

After I published my first book, Model Patient, my favourite Amazon reader review was from a woman who wrote, “The writing is good and funny, but I wish she’d shut up about herself.” Madam, the book is a memoir! Another said I needed a personal relationship with God to get over my illness and that I was praying to graven idols. How did she know?!

Another person's opinion of me is none of my business

As an actor and writer, you’re putting your work out in the world to be judged, but Stoics don’t put a lot of weight on how others view them. Another person’s opinion of me is none of my business. Stoics value their own character and live in harmony with their core values, not what other people make of them. While criticism is a part of life, Stoic principles are guard rails that help me deal with the opinions of others with wisdom and composure. As Seneca wrote, quoting fellow Stoic Hecato,

What progress have I made? I have become a friend to myself. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 6

I don’t think many of my movies will be preserved in a vault at the Smithsonian, along with the boxed set of The Sopranos, but I am pleased to know that our books are in the Library of Congress. I don’t take commentary or reviews too seriously. Humour is how I view the world and Stoic philosophy is how I navigate it. I live by Seneca’s words:

Away with the world’s opinion of you–it is always unsettled and divided. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 26.

Karen Duffy is a producer, actress, and former MTV VJ. Her latest book on Stoicism. Wise Up (https:// amzn.to/3PpLv5D) is published by Seal Press.

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