Do not seek for events to happen as you wish, but wish for events to happen as they do happen, and your life will go smoothly. - Epictetus, Enchiridion, Chapter 8

When the going gets tough

Gratitude is not the Stoic practice I expected to lean on during a season of profound difficulty. When life is heavy— when uncertainty presses in from multiple directions at once—gratitude can feel misplaced, even faintly dishonest. And yet, it is precisely here, in a period shaped more by endurance than ease, that Stoic gratitude has become not only possible, but necessary.

Even if this is a lesson that has not come easily.

Looking at what we still have

To be clear, Stoic gratitude is not about liking what happens to us in times of trouble. It does not ask us to celebrate loss, illness, instability, or grief. Instead, it asks something both simpler and more difficult: to see clearly what remains intact, usable, and worthy of care, even when so much feels unsettled. In this way, gratitude becomes less an emotion and more a practice or a discipline—a way of aligning myself with reality rather than resisting it.

Epictetus reminds us that wishing for events to happen as they happen––even when that brings us difficulties––has the power to show us who we are. Recently, in the midst of a season of some struggles, I have found this to be very true, even if in the most unpleasant and uncomfortable ways. At the same time, challenge strips away abstractions and exposes habits of mind: where I rush, where I resist, where I am tempted to borrow suffering from an imagined future. But it also reveals strengths I might otherwise overlook. It shows me my capacities for patience, steadiness, and discernment that only become visible under pressure.

Gratitude, in this sense, is not for the difficulty itself, but for what the difficulty clarifies.

Harmony as alignment

This has required me to think differently about harmony. Harmony is often mistaken for balance or calm, but the Stoics understood it as alignment: a fitting relationship between my judgments, my actions, and the world as it actually is. Harmony does not mean the absence of strain. It means reducing unnecessary friction—especially the friction created when I insist that things should be other than they are.

Redirecting gratitude away from outcomes

In practical terms, this has also meant redirecting my gratitude away from outcomes and toward capacities. I am grateful not that circumstances are easy, but that I am still able to respond well. I am grateful that I can choose restraint instead of reactivity, attention instead of avoidance. I am grateful for the ordinary continuities that persist beneath the disruption: the ability to think, to write, to show up, to care for others. The Stoics remind us to notice what we take for granted before it is taken from us; difficulty has a way of sharpening that awareness without our consent.

Gratitude, a way of loosening judgments

There is also a quieter gratitude that emerges when I stop adding to my own suffering. Much of what weighs us down is not the event itself, but the story we tell about what it means. The Stoics are unflinching on this point. We suffer not because events are unbearable, but because we judge them to be so. Gratitude, then, becomes a way of loosening those judgments—of meeting each day as it is, rather than as a verdict on my life.

This does not eliminate grief or fatigue. Stoic gratitude is not some kind of emotional anesthesia. It allows room for sorrow while refusing to let sorrow dictate my values. Marcus reminds himself that no external event can prevent him from acting justly, soberly, and considerately (Meditations, 6.32 ). I have found gratitude precisely in that continuity of character—the fact that even now, I can choose how I meet what is in front of me.

As I’ve continued to engage in a daily Stoic practice, gratitude has help me to stop asking myself whether my life feels easy or resolved. Instead, I feel encouraged to ask whether I am living in greater harmony with reality, with my commitments, and with myself. More often than I would expect, the answer is yes. And that, I am learning, is more than enough to be grateful for.

Andi Sciacca serves as the Chief Academic Officer and as the Director of Accreditation & Assessment for the European Graduate School. She is also the Environmental Sustainability Program Coordinator for the FEED MKE Program for the City of Milwaukee.

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