The great-souled author Kurt Vonnegut had a beloved uncle named Alex. Vonnegut described passing a pleasant day with him: “We were drinking lemonade under an apple tree in the summer, say, and talking lazily about this and that, almost buzzing like honeybees, Uncle Alex would suddenly interrupt the agreeable blather to exclaim, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

Acknowledge the small things. My son Jack and I have a ritual where we go out to look at the stars, even if we’re not together, even if we can’t see them due to cloud cover or light pollution in New York City. We know they are there, just like he knows my love for him is there—it’s eternal. If that isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.

Brother David Steindl-Rast, the wise Benedictine monk (and co-author of a book with the magnificent modern Stoic Sharon Lebell), said “In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” I’m acquainted with a business titan who’s known as much for his numerous wives and lavish lifestyle as for the blue chip companies he owns. It strikes me that although he’s smart and successful, his primary drive is to accumulate things.

Is he grateful for what he’s amassed? Does it make him happy? I don’t understand this urge, though if you ask my husband he will claim I have an insatiable desire for taxidermy. I’m grateful for my stuffed skunk, which makes me happy when I see it on the mantelpiece.

One lovely summer evening, Kurt Vonnegut and his pal Joseph Heller found themselves at a party thrown by this same business titan, who collected art as well as literary guests. Vonnegut, who was a cheeky wisenheimer, took a poke at Heller: “Joe, how does it make you feel to know that our host only yesterday may have made more money than your novel ‘Catch-22’ has earned in its entire history?” Heller replied, “I’ve got something he can never have. The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”

Learn to be content with little, and cry out with courage and with greatness of soul: ‘We have water, we have porridge; let us compete in happiness with Jupiter himself.’ - Seneca, Moral Letters, 101

Personally I’m not a fan of porridge, but this and a slice of my favorite Joe’s Pizza are both what the Stoics call “indifferents.” We may prefer one thing to another, but they are not the basis of our happiness.

For Stoics, happiness comes from the practice of our virtues, which leads to “eudaimonia”—flourishing. And this begins in gratitude. Can you be courageous if you fear losing what you have? Can you be moderate if you envy another’s good fortune? Can you be wise if your mental energy is directed towards acquisition? Can you be just if your primary concern is for yourself? In every case, gratitude diverts us from selfishness and directs us to our best selves. Our Stoicism gives us the knowledge that we have enough.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my tummy is rumbling and I’m grateful I can run off to Joe’s for a cheese slice.

Karen Duffy is a producer, actress, and former MTV VJ. Her latest book on Stoicism. Wise Up (https:// amzn.to/3PpLv5D) is published by Seal Press.

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